is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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