My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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