the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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