porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Ladies don't puke and tell
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
