oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
