She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
