erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It's just like the Real World with babies
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
