So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize