Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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