i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
