I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
