shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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