Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
