the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
