Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
