I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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