marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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