You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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