your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
