R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
if i can run in heels then i can drive
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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