My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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