you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
