walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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