You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
