are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
