its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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