SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
