k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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