if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
