im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
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