Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
