I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
