Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
