My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
