I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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