Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
