i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
