i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
