Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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