The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
