Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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