I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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