My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
