im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
