pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My breasts were aching with rage.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
