but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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