She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
