i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
