You really coming over, don't trick.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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