Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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