Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
