dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
