Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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