it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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