After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
