He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
