Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
