I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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