never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think weed is turning my hair brown
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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