At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
