thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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