I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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