Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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