So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
