Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
