i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
