Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
