Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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