Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
